Monday, January 31, 2011

A Successful Decisions

I’m struggling with a decision. Where do I take my project? How do I give it a focal point? Decisions are sometimes difficult to make. We need data, alternatives, reasons and intuition to guide us through the decision making process. Some people seem to make decisions so easily while others belabor over the simplest of things. I fall into a middle category. It takes me a while to decide but once I decide I am usually quite firm.

I can’t seem to find a solid direction and that is why I am now laboring over where to go with my project. Solid ground gives strength to the process of decision making. It’s much like yoga. The base of your physical, mental and spiritual self must be solid, grounded, strong and steady and then you can enjoy the flexibility and the balance that comes with the ever changing energy of life. It means to flow from one position to another without losing that solid touchstone which of course is your inner being.

Along time ago I learned that making decisions involved a twofold process. First data needed to be gathered. The facts of the matter needed to be examined. And then second get quiet and listen to your intuition. Great decisions are made this way.

The data tells me that I am not hitting my mark. There is so much competition and I have not been able to distinguish myself in any significant way from everyone else. I blend around the edges but fail to be the solid color from which the hues reflect. My intuition tells me that I must keep trying and not to give up.

Perhaps the hardest thing in life we undertake is making decisions. For most people there is a deep fear of making the wrong decision. But not making a decision is also making a decision. When you decide not to decide a decision has been made. It is perhaps better to make a decision given careful thought and if that decision should turn out to be the wrong decision at least know that you gave it your best. Perhaps in reality it was not the right thing for you. I have always found that there was a good reason for my decisions and that whatever resulted from the decision was always the best for me even if at the time it seemed difficult and disappointing.

I can look back over my life and see the many decisions I made, had I made them differently, my life would be in a far better place, in some ways, and in a far worse place in other ways. I never made decisions based upon money or financial security. I always made decisions based upon love, adventure and personal growth. I’ve loved, I’ve had adventure and I’ve grown as a person.

And in writing this I can see that my decision as to what to do can only be based upon my free spirited need to love, explore and grow. That is a marker of success – understanding yourself and why you have made the decisions that you have made in your life and being happy with the results.

Doctor Lynn

Friday, January 28, 2011

A Successful Life – Defining a Friend

Yesterday a friend told me that one of my past students and a friend who was more of an acquaintance than a friend – depending upon how you define a friend. We never did anything together but chat after class. One day we had a quick lunch. She faithfully came to my class always in the back but always supportive.

She is a pretty women about ten years my junior. She is one of the few people I know who is very happily married. She has two teenage sons. She has style, is artsy and funky which is one of the things I love about her. She and I share the same taste and ability to carry off wild outfits. I always loved to see her outfits as she changed into street clothes in the ladies room. They were always carefully choreographed. I especially appreciated her slender body, pretty face and youthful attitude given the fact that she had undergone breast surgery and a hysterectomy for cancer. She was a survivor but not just any survivor. She maintains her beauty and her style in the face of adversity. She was five years out and in remission. I admired her strength.

One day I came to class and burst into tears over an emotional issue. She happened to be the person who caught me crying. She listened and consoled. I thanked her. I never burst into tears again but she always asked me how I was doing. Then one day as I shook with fear I told my class I was taking a leave of absence – I had been diagnosed with cancer and would undergo a radical hysterectomy.

She consoled me. She reassured me that I would not lose my style and my grace in the face of this adversity. She reassured me that I would come out of this a strong and beautiful woman. She was right. This adversity brought depth to my being. She sent me emails of encouragement and when I returned to teaching was there with a friendly hug of support.

She left the gym and joined another gym as students often do. She said good- by and we promised to stay in touch through emails. We lost touch accept for a mutual friend. The mutual friend tells me that after more than five years of remission she has stage four cancer with tumors throughout her body. It does not look good.

We were never close friends. I have never been to her house and she has never been to mine. We have never done anything but chat after class. However I feel a deep sadness for a woman who has such love for her husband and her children and such a spirit towards life. I admire her and thank her.

Now I must send her an email and hope I can make it sound positive. I want to thank her for all her support and for teaching me that a friend is not always the ones you hang with – sometimes a real friendship comes out of a casual encounter.

Doctor Lynn

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A Successful Life Learning for Fun

I’m taking French. The class is small and is becoming a lot of fun. I look forward to going to class. Yes I am learning French. It is something I have wanted to do for a long time. But it is also fun. We laugh and kid each other. Everybody is serious about learning but not seriously learning. We are all adults that are just enjoying the experience.

I love going to school. I’ve always been a good student. I’ve studied hard and been very serious about learning. I’m still serious about leaning but this time it’s all for fun. Perhaps it is my age? Perhaps it is my present station in life? More likely it is my ability to draw interesting and fun people into my life. It’s part of maturing. The competition of excelling fades only to be replaced with a sense of self satisfaction at simply learning something new. It helps that everyone in the class equally laughs at themselves. We all do such a debauchery of the language.

It’s not that completion isn’t something good. Competition makes us excel. New products and innovative services are produced because of competition. Money is made and people work to produce the best quality so as to win the coveted prize; whatever that might be. What is sad is when the essence of the end product gets lost in the fierce desire to win.

I’ve never been competitive in sports or business. I’m not aggressive enough. But I’ve been competitive in love, school, art, knowledge and creativity. I’m mostly competitive with myself. I always expect more from myself. At times I’ve pushed myself very hard to succeed. But these days I’m a little less aggressive and a lot more likely to focus on having fun. And guess what? The more fun I seem to be having the more successful I seem to be at the things that matter most in life.

We start out as young children laughing and having fun. Then we are programmed to be serious and competitive. Sometimes the pressure of it all takes all the fun out of life. One of the good things about aging is having the insight and ability to recapture a bit of that fun. Ever noticed how older people seem to laugh and get such joy out of the little things in life? That’s because we realize with age and experience that having fun makes life a rewarding and successful learning experience.

Doctor Lynn

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A Successful Life Surviving A Bad Night’s Sleep

Sleep is something I love to do. I usually sleep eight to nine hours a night. I have always hated waking up to the blast of an alarm clock so very early on I trained myself to wake up just before the alarm goes off. It’s an easy trick. Just tell yourself what time to wake up before you go to sleep and it usually works. Set the alarm for insurance. About 95 percent of the time I wake up before the alarm. But last night for some strange reason sleep evaded me.

I tossed and turned trying to fall asleep. Then I woke up at 3:00AM and tossed until 5:30 AM when I just gave in and got up. I have a lot of work to do today including teaching two cycle classes and a French class this evening. I really needed a good night’s sleep. I’m not sure how I’m going to make it through the day on less than 4 hours of sleep. However I feel amazingly wide awake.

Nothing significant is bothering me. I’m not under stress or feel anxious; the usual things that rob one of sleep. I’m just awake. So I decide to go with it. I can always catch up on my sleep. This is just one of those nights that come along. What can I do? Nothing when my brain won’t let me sleep. So I decide to make the best of it.

I’m up early. More time to write and get some of my work out of the way. May-be I can have a second cup of tea this morning before running off to teach my class? I can get my emails out early and get ahead of my work today. I’ll sleep tonight and make up for the lost sleep. It’s just another day and so what if I’m a bit tired by the afternoon?

Oh no….there is French class tonight. I have to be alert and think in French class. I need to study before I go. No time to take a nap this afternoon. I’m feeling anxious now. But French class is supposed to be fun. Well it is but not when you’re tired. The brain won’t want to process anything later today especially another language!

I have time for a second cup of tea. How nice! I have time to get my work out early. As the morning begins to dawn I accept the day and decide to go with the flow. If exhaustions should over take me I’ll find a few minutes and take a quick nap. If I’m not at my peak tonight in French class I’ll make up for it next week. Sleep comes and sleep goes. Days blend into each other as we routinely move through our lives. Do I remember all the sleepless nights I’ve experienced in my life? I remember the stressful times and the traumas. And yes those brought on sleepless nights. But I don’t remember the sleeplessness. Last night was not filled with stress or anxiety. It was just a sleepless night. I have survived all the sleepless nights and I will survive this one. Sleep has a way of returning.

Doctor Lynn

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Successful Life Acknowledgement

I just spent two days writing outlines for publications that will do a write-up on my video and book. It was a lot of work. I enjoyed doing it and must say I will enjoy the recognition I will get. Recognition doesn’t always turn into money or fame but appreciation for one’s efforts is always a reward unto itself. Or is it?

When I was a student it was enough to get a good grade for my efforts. I worked hard to be a good student and was rewarded with praises from my professors and good grades. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I put that on my resume when I went job searching. And guess what? No one cared. Unless you are continuing on in academia – and even then once you get past the Masters level – no one cares.

I live in Los Angles where acknowledgment is superficial. It’s all about being a star, driving a nice car and taking exotic vacations. I teach yoga and cycle. Every day I get acknowledgment for my effort and thanks for my devotion. It is these little thank-you(s) that make my day complete. I still have that drive to do the best I can because I care and well…because I like doing it.

My book is published and my video is done. I am getting a fair amount of publicity. Nothing hugh but a little bit of acknowledgement for my efforts. It has not turned into dollars and may-be never will. I may fade into the dust but one thing is sure…I made the effort.

I accomplished a goal. It feels good. Self acknowledgment should be enough to satisfy the soul but it seems we all seek something more. But perhaps the highest level of achievement is when we can in fact acknowledge ourselves as worthy individuals with unique talents that no matter how small by comparison are truly very large in scope.

Doctor Lynn

Monday, January 24, 2011

A Successful Life It was only a Dream

Last night I spent a lot of time dreaming. I have been wearing Invisiline (plastic trays to straighten teeth) for the last 6 months. I dreamed I lost them. I was so upset to tell my husband I had to get another pair which would cost an additional $300.00. Already we are a few thousand into these things. It was a dream full of anxiety. I woke up felt the trays in my mouth and sighed with relief. It was only a dream.

A long time ago I studied dreaming. Seems there are many theories and many interpretations of dreams but why and how we dream what we do is still a mystery. My husband believes it has to do with the food you eat for dinner. Some people think it is stress and others think it is something that is repressed.

I had a barrata salad with a wonderful pate and a glass of red wine. Could it have been the wine or the pate? I was under a lot of pressure yesterday to get out two interviews for my new book. I’ve been feeling tired and over worked. My husband and I are doing fine. All the family is healthy. I don’t feel stressed and anxious so why did I dream such a ridiculous dream?

I woke up guilt-ing myself about all my bad habits. Vowing again to get them under control. The anxiety made me feel a little out of control and I like to feel in control of my life. I am a little more lacks these days as I am not under the pressure and stress of my earlier years. I got up and wrote down the four things I need to modify in my life. May-be these concerns are the cause of my dreams?

It was only a dream and I woke up to find my life in tack. The sun is rising. It’s about to be a beautiful day. My work is almost done and again I will beat a deadline which is something I enjoy doing. As for the things I need to modify in my life….I made a list to remind myself – all things in moderation – that’s balance- that’s practicing yoga at its best.

Doctor Lynn

Friday, January 21, 2011

A Successful Life – Yellow Tulips on my desk

It is early morning and I am not yet awake. The sun is just peaking above the horizon. I glance up and see the vase of yellow tulips sitting on my desk. They give me a lift as their brightness unfolds. Tulips remind me of spring. Tulips make me feel happy. I take a moment and appreciate these little flowers and realize this is what it means to live a successful life. Appreciate the little things. However tulips are not just little things.

I am going to Amsterdam in May and hoping the spring will be late and I will get to see the tulips in bloom. According to Wikipedia:

The tulip is a perennial, bulbous plant with showy flowers in the genus Tulipa, which comprises 109 species[1] and belongs to the family Liliaceae.[2] The genus's native range extends from as far west as Southern Europe, North Africa, Anatolia, and Iran to the Northwest of China. The tulip's centre of diversity is in the Pamir, Hindu Kush, and Tien Shan mountains.[3] A number of species and many hybrid cultivars are grown in gardens, as potted plants, or to display as fresh-cut flowers. Most cultivars of tulip are derived from Tulipa gesneriana.

Wow those little flowers sure are far reaching. At one time in history the tulip bulb was worth more than gold. Around 1634-1637 speculation on the price of tulips soared causing what was know at tulip mania. It was a t this time that many painter and potters added pictures of tulips to their work.

The first tulips in North America were believed to have been planted in Lynn Massachusetts by a wealthy farmer. My name is Lynn. The town was Lynn and I love tulips! I learned something new today simply by clicking the mouse and reading Wikipedia. So the tulips not only made me happy but they taught me something I did not know simply because I took a moment and appreciated their beauty.

Today look at something, question its origin and appreciate its beauty.

Doctor Lynn

Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Successful Life Learning something new and staying young

Last night was the second week of my French class. I’m taking French classes because it is something I’ve always wanted to do but never seemed to find the money and the time. In my life I have found that when I want to do something or find something all I have to do is put it out into the universe and wait until the time is right. That’s how I found the French class. I decide that this year would be the year that I would study French. I am going to France in May and want to be able to speak a little French.

I was having dinner at a restaurant and saw a brochure for a language institute here in Beverly Hills that offers language classes. French of course was one of them. I had been thinking about getting CDs but this was even better. Now I had no excuse. The sign-up was easy.

The next day after I signed up for the French class I heard a researcher on the radio talk about finding that older adults who learn a new language improve their cognitive skills. It is more challenging than crossword puzzles or math because it calls upon the brain to also develop new concepts. Language is conceptual and creative. Perfect, I thought, not only am I learning a language but I’m improving my thinking skills! I can feel the brain fog dissipating.

I just had a birthday and although I do not look or act my age, I am still aging. Now I had a way to keep the brain strong and add a new dimension to my life. I am becoming bi-lingual. I am about to let my little French girl come out! I feel younger and sexier already!

The French have a secret. They enjoy a glass of wine with their meal every day. Just one glass. The French do not drink to get drunk. They drink the wine because they love good food and wine. Research shows that although the French eat rich foods they are very healthy. Seems the wine improves circulation and cognition as well as enhances sexuality.

I think I’ve found the secret to longevity and fun. Learn a new language and drink a glass of wine a day. Makes you sexier, smarter and more fun. May-be it’s not so bad getting a little older. Having the time and money to play sure makes it fun!

Doctor Lynn

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A Successful Life Bargain Shopping with a Friend

What woman doesn’t like to bargain shop with a girl friend? The excitement, the hunt, the find and the score! And then you get to share it with a girl friend that made her own score. Shopping, laughing and bonding over a good bargain is what we women live for…well not exactly but it sure is fun.

My friend is black and I am as white as they come – WASPY, blond and blue eyed. I grew up in the country and she grew up in the middle of New York City. We both live in Los Angeles. We couldn’t be more different and yet are so such alike. We are about the same size, fitness enthusiast and teachers and gravitate to the same bargain bins and style of clothes. We see the world in very similar ways. Our upbringings and our politics coincide.

I’m fortunate to have this friend. Good friends are tough to come by and even tougher to maintain. It takes work and time to make and keep a good friend. And with all the time commitments of family and work it is difficult to cultivate a lot of friendship. As you age you realize the value in friends and the need to pick them carefully. Time is precious and only allows for so many good friends.

I consider myself successful to have my bargain shopping friend. It has taken a few years to cultivate this friendship. I give us both credits for making it work. We’ve both put in the effort to make the time to share, laugh, cry and help each other. I have been her friend through a financial crisis and she has been my friend through an emotional crisis. We both hope those times have passed but one can never be sure so we hope to be there for each other if the need be.

It’s not the bargain or the shopping that makes for a successful life. It’s the fun that takes place in those moments when all that matters is hanging out and playing with your friend. We all need to take the time to laugh and play with a friend. I am fortunate that I have a few good friends that make me laugh.

It takes maturity and experience to have the wisdom to appreciate friends. It takes effort to stay in touch. Success is found in the little things we appreciate. I appreciate my friends and the time I alot to spend with them. They make me laugh and that is the greatest gift of friendship.

Doctor Lynn

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Successful Life A healthy Relationship

Did you know that one of the most important things you can do to insure good health is to be in healthy relationship? Love, affection and yes sex are good for your health. Notice I wrote a healthy relationship and not just any relationship. As well as a romantic relationship it also goes for friends and acquaintances. Surrounding yourself with emotionally healthy people brings both emotional and physical health into your life.

Study after study has shown that people who are in loving healthy relationships are healthier. There are a number of reasons for this state of being. In a healthy balanced relationship people tend to laugh more, sleep better, eat better, express emotions freely, exercise more and share touching, hugging and sex.

When we eat better, get adequate good quality sleep and exercise we are living a healthy lifestyle. When we love, hug and have sex we calm the body-mind by producing feel good nuerochemicals that work wonders for the heart, circulation, respiration and for relieving stress. Problems are easier to solve. Our emotions are balanced so we effectively deal with the day to days annoyances of life. We share the fun in life and add laughter and play which have been shown to bring about health.

A healthy relationship has maturity. That means it compromises, understands, cares and knows when to give and when to take. A person in a healthy relationship understands that 90% of the small and irritating aspects of a relationship are minor compared to the love and caring that is shared. Humor is used to dismiss the minutia.

Every relationship has its moments. Nothing is perfect. A mature person realizes that every relationship will have annoyances and things we wish we could change. Focusing on the good stuff and accepting the minor stuff is what makes the difference between a health relationship and one that is full of stress and strife.

If a relationship is not healthy you can be sure it will tax your emotional and physical health. Move on and surround yourself with healthy people. Your b body, your mind and your souls will thank you.

Doctor Lynn

Monday, January 17, 2011

A Successful Life – it must be done with love and understanding

The heart chakra in yoga is the center of love and understanding. Managing a relationship should always come from a place of caring as opposed to manipulation. Love and understanding are the gateway to respecting the soul of an individual.

The heart chakra is the fourth energy center moving up the spine from the base of the spine to the top of the head. It lies in the area of the sternum or near the heart. It relates to love, expansion and indefatigable nature of the human spirit.

When the heart center is open and balanced the natural of our identity becomes infinite. We understand the eternal nature of love. We have the capacity to sacrifice for the sake of sacrificing and to love without condition. It is here that our first level of higher consciousness evolves. Being able to freely connect with this energy center is another piece of living a successful life.

It can take a life time to master love and compassion. It comes from a realization that we are all one with the same shared feelings and experiences. How we color those experiences may be unique to each of us but at the root of life we all are one. Love is love and hate is hate. We share and experience the same emotions. Understanding this we can reach out with compassion to those who are less fortunate, in need and not yet fully evolved.

To rise to this level of being is to begin to connect with and appreciate the true nature of success. A life consciously aware of and consciously living in love and understanding is a life that is rich, peaceful and happy. We all want to love and be loved. It is what makes for a successful life.

In a relationship love is the factor that will carry the relationship through all sorts of trying times. But love does not come without a price. In fact true love is not the stories of romance but rather the commitment, loyalty and caring that comes with time and a deep understanding of both the sameness and the differences in each human being.

You will know real love when the time comes that support and understanding is needed and it is given without hesitation or expectation. When you receive this love or you give this love, you will gain insight into the nature of a successful life.

Doctor Lynn

Friday, January 14, 2011

Life becomes what life does – Managing a Man

Very early in our relationships I went to see a councilor. Things were not working. I needed understanding. So I found a male councilor thinking he could teach me something about the way a man thinks. His name was Anthony. He was a British guy who was very to the point. Anthony taught me one thing – manage the man. Be a woman and use your power to manage the man and you will get exactly what you desire. Of course I didn’t listen. I resisted the idea that the solution could be so simple.

I like most women had to complicate everything. You see this is how we operate. Things are never simple for a woman. Her emotions and abstract way of seeing things makes it so difficult to understand the simplicity of a man. Men are simple creatures. Their needs and their wants are simple. Give a man a good night’s sleep, a sexy romp in the hay and a good meal and he’s happy. Sure men like their toys and their sports but give him the three basics and he’ll be so easy to manage.

Anthony taught me to simplify life. Take charge in a feminine way. Never underestimate the power of a woman. Let him think he’s in charge. He’ll realize on some level what you’re doing and he’ll love it because the truth is most men love to have a woman take charge in a feminine way. So if he wants to negotiate the car buying deal and order the meal; let him do it. Smile and know that you are ultimately in charge because you see all a man wants to do is please a woman. It makes him feel needed and wanted. When a man feels needed and wanted he’s happy.

Why do you think they want sex? Well yes they love the feel of it but it’s also about connecting. A man feels like you want him when you are having sex with him. It’s his emotional connection with you. We as women need to understand that just because he doesn’t always connect emotionally the way we do ,it does not mean he is not connecting. Understand the beast and he’s putty in your hand.

Now you may think this sounds a bit manipulative but he is getting exactly what he wants and you will in turn get everything you desire – a warm loving, faithful man who adores you and keeps you safe and warm.

That’s how you manage a man!

Doctor Lynn

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Successful Life Stop Looking and compromise

Well I never expected it. In fact I was not looking at all. I was into my life and resigned to working and friends. I was ready after 4 years of online dating to give it up. And then an email came from a man whose profile did not fit my requirements. He was going through a divorce, 13 years older than me and had a 14 year old son. I was looking for someone who had been through all the agony of divorce, had time to get past the rebound, was closer to my age and had no young dependent children. But he had a cute smile and he was persistent about taking me to lunch. We met and the lunch turned into a 4 hour event that 2 years late became my second marriage. It wasn’t easy but I had learned a few lessons along the way.

Heading for fifty I began to soften a bit. I had accomplished plenty. I had plenty of freedom and had done pretty much all the things I wanted to do. I no longer wanted or needed to be strong and assertive. I wanted to be taken care of by a man. I wanted to let my feminine soft side come out of hiding. He needed to be in charge. He wanted to take care of a woman. His ego needed massaging and my being in charge needed a break. It wasn’t easy but we both wanted a relationship with more traditional roles that also had respect for each other. Men and women cannot compete with each other. They think and act differently. It’s all about embracing your sexuality with respect for each other. This wasn’t easy.

I won’t say we didn’t have many tugs of war. It’s not easy when you are both equally educated and experienced in the larger world. It makes for challenging moments. But the battle of the sexes has never been won. No one wins when love gets lost in a shroud of pride and ego. It takes understanding each other and being willing to appreciate, respect and embrace the nuances.

Men like to pound their chest and rescue women. It’s in their nature. Let a man open a jar for you and he’ll puff up with pride. What I learned was that most of the things I ask my husband to do for me…I can already do. I can buy a car, change a tire, fix the leak, pay the bills, argue the case…but why should I? Why should I break my nails, struggle and worry when he is only too willing to be the man? It makes him happy to take care of me and I get more time to be a woman.

So I stopped looking. I stopped searching. I married again and although it has been challenging I finally found the secret of balance. I respect my femininity. I respect his masculinity. At the same time we both take pride in the fact that we are capable souls connecting in the most intimate way as simply a man and a woman. All it takes is a little respect and a little compromise.

Doctor Lynn

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Life becomes what life does – dating again

I am a first generation product of internet dating. I am even a first generation of the dating service. Sure there have been matchmakers in every culture but it was usually an Aunt, relative or friend who made it their business to find mates for single men and women. Marriages have been arranged and some still are. But paying a stranger to find you a mate was something new in the eighties and nineties in the American culture. I even worked briefly for a dating service. It was a job between jobs and free access to eligible men. The problem was that most of the people who signed up for dating services were not people I wanted to date. And the whole thing was quite a scam.

We were made to show pictures of members that were handsome and beautiful to entice eople to sign up. There was a strong pitch and a scare tactic to close. You made the person feel lonely and desperate and that the only way out was to join and find the love of your life. Of course once you signed up disappointment quickly set in….love is not found in a book of pictures.

The internet came along and changed the face of dating. For a small fee and the click of a mouse you had access to thousands of people all over the country and the world for that matter. It was like a buffet. You could pick and choose what you wanted and without a moments hesitation you had an in- box of eligible people to date. The only problem was that it was so easy to lie with the computer.

You can be anything you want behind the screen of a computer. You can lie about your age, your weight and even about your status (married or not). I can’t tell you how many times I met men who were not at all what they promoted themselves to be on the internet. One time I met a guy who described himself as a bit of a chubby Jewish guy. He was very pleasant on the phone and seemed like a nice guy. I could deal with a little bit of a chubby guy. When I met him he was at least 100 pounds over weight! That is just one of the mild stories from my experience on the internet. However I met my husband on the internet! But not without a little adjustment and compromise on my part.

Doctor Lynn

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A Successful Life – Surviving a broken heart

He was the love of my life. I was 35 years old. I had spent the last ten years struggling through school and establishing myself in the business world. The time was right and David appeared on a warm early summer day in June on the town square. We ran into each other returning from lunch to our offices. We had met before and even went to a business function or two together but never considered dating. Something special happened that day. We took one look at each other and it was like a bolt of lightning struck us and we fell madly in love.

We spent the next eighteen months in mad passionate love or so I thought. I was ready to commit to this man and relinquish my independent feminist ways. He was the very man I had been searching for all these years. This was it! And in the beginning it was it for him too. But he unlike me was a rover who drank way too much and found it impossible to be faithful to any one woman. So he cheated on me and then told me he didn’t love me enough to marry me. I was devastated. I thought I would never love again.

It took several years and a couple of loveless relationships for me to get past the pain and devastation. I had worked so hard to be a strong independent woman and here I was crying and sobbing in pain for the love of a man.

I survived the broken heart. It ultimately made my life stronger and more thoughtful. I was lucky he didn’t marry me and bring me down in all his misery. He could not stay sober nor truly love. It was a disaster I had been spared. Today I am grateful that he did not use and abuse me. I believe he truly loved me and knew he could not be good to me – so he moved on. He did me a big favor. Because when someone doesn’t love you the way you love them it is sure to be a disaster and lots of pain.

I learned that compatibility, respect, honesty, stability and faithfulness far outweigh the lofty passion of falling in love. I began to look for a different kind of man. I learned from my mistake. I never felt angry or disappointed because I knew I could truly love from my soul. I had loved deeply. I was grateful for that part of the experience. I would not want to go through my life without falling madly in love – no matter the cost. I mended my broken heart.

I then lived with Peter who was a friend and made me laugh harder than any man I’ve ever known. But we were not meant for each other. We helped each other through a time in our life and then we needed to move on.

Doctor Lynn

Monday, January 10, 2011

Life becomes what life does Who am I?

As I began to navigate my life as a liberated woman I struggled a bit with my role. I was the bread winner of my family. A single mother. I owned a home, drove a nice car, had money in the bank and could pretty much do as I pleased. The freedom was intoxicating from time to time.

I did not have to take care of any man. However there was not a man there to take care of me. I was alone in the world with the responsibility of a family. I could relate to the pressure a man must feel being the provider for a family.

In many cases I was more educated than the men I worked with and for…men still owned most of the companies and held most of the senior positions. The men resented my intelligence. I was not one to play dumb and boldly would assert my opinions. On more than one occasion it got me into trouble.

I was admired and respected for my tenacity and my energy but revered for my strength and fortitude. Women were not supposed to be competitive. I quickly learned that I could run circles around most men and wasted no time letting them know it.

Once I was dating a very nice man who asked me a question to make a point about my feminist ways; he asked me to pretend he was digging ditch on a hot summer day. He was hot and sweating. What would I do? I said I would get a shovel and help him. He smiled and said that what he wanted me to say and to do was to get him a cold drink of lemonade and praise him for a job well done. He made his point.

However he lacked to see my point. I would help him to get the job done faster. After all I was strong and I could dig a ditch too. I felt I was helping and this helping hand would be appreciated. He wanted to be cared for and praised for being a strong man. He wanted me to be feminine and soft. I wanted to be strong and equal.

I worked for men who tried to intimidate me. I was passed over for promotions and often times found myself not fitting in. I could not relate to the secretaries who were there to serve and I could not relate to the men who were there to be served. It all seemed very bizarre to me.

I was petite, blonde and by all appearances very feminine. Men were very attentive to me. I had no problem getting attention. But men were afraid to date me. They would later tell me that they were sure I had plenty of men chasing me and that I was strong and independent. The competition was too much work. I dated a lot but found it difficult to find a permanent relationship. Most men seemed too passive for me.

Then I met David.

Doctor Lynn

Friday, January 07, 2011

Life becomes what life does – I thought I knew

I thought I had it all figured out. Men would want me if I was smart, successful and not needy. If I was independent then they would find me attractive. I would have self confident. I would not need to put up with anything from anyone. I could be my own person. That seemed to be the answer.

When I was married at a young age and feeling restless and dissatisfied a friend suggested I see a marriage councilor. There was a new therapist in town name Leslie. She was promoting herself as a progressive marriage councilor who could help women open up and strengthen their marriage through independent thinking. She was successful in ending every marriage she tried to fix. Instead of promoting marriage she promoted independence.

She introduced us to Betty Friedman and Gloria Steinman. We joined the ranks of the women’s movement. We were now bonded together in a common cause – women’s rights. She gave us strength to leave a marriage just because we wanted to be free. No longer did we need to stay and be unhappy. We could now go out into the world, work, make our own money and sleep with anyone we wanted.

Looking back I can see her almost masculine looking persona. She was aggressive and downplayed any attributes that made a woman soft and feminine. It just wasn’t attractive to be feminine. Wearing pants, being in charge and being indifferent to men was seen as strong and successful.

It wasn’t about attracting men. It was about letting men know that unless they wanted to play the game our way we did not need them anymore. We were self sufficient. If a man wanted to be with us he had to let us be in charge. He had to take on a more domestic role. He had to be more emotional. He had to be quiet and let us lead. The problem was that men did not know what to do. Man by nature is aggressive. Man has always been the warrior, the hunter and the protector. It was not in his genes nor in his social upbringing to be soft, subservient, controlled and led.

So we had to establish new rules. New guidelines need to be installed. Men were now expected to do at least ½ the domestic duties as well as work. They were expected to put their careers aside for ours. Men had to develop their feminine sides. They needed to learn to cook, clean, sew and tend to the children. In many cases they assumes the domestic role, raising the children while women went out and made their mark in the world. Divorce escalated. Women were angry. Men were confused.

The ideals of the fifties faded away. We were now caught in a new world with ill defined roles.

Doctor Lynn

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Life becomes what life does – Changing direction

I’m contemplating changing a direction. Last week a friend suggested I write a book about relationships and how women can become balanced in the modern world. How do we stay feminine without being taken advantage of? Most women have been used and some abused by a man. A good deal of the women’s movement came out of oppression. Women were tired of being second class citizens. We wanted a voice. But we had no idea how to speak so we yelled and roared like a man using intimidation as our arsenal.

I’m a product of the “me” generation. An old hippie with values that still believe in free love, freedom of expression and equality for all. At a young age I found myself in the middle of the woman’s movement. It was a time of bra burning, pant wearing and freely using the word “fuck”. We stood up and protested against anything that made a woman submissive and feminine. We were as smart as men ( may-be even smarter) and we were determined to prove it.

What did we need men for? Only to make a baby. We could make money, hold political office, make decisions, solve problems, own property and raise children on our own without the dictates of a man. We thought we had freedom which as Janice Joplin sang,” is just another word for nothing left to lose.” We however had plenty to lose. Freedom from anything comes with a price.

What we lost was elements of our femininity. We lost the soft and nurturing side of ourselves. We lost the special part that separates us from men. We lost our distinction. And in the process we became competitive, angry, forthright, over achieving assertive and sometimes very aggressive almost androgynous beings with rights and responsibilities standing alone not at the top of the heap but piled and squashed into the world of work and toil.

However there were perks. No longer did we have to endure abuse. We could choose where and how we wanted to live. We could explore and rejoice in our newfound sexuality. We could buy and sell, establish credit, gain titles and get recognition.

It was ok to be single, to never get married and to be divorced. We were not scorned for openly having lovers or living with men without marriage. We could even have children out of wedlock artificially inseminated with a sperm from a donor who had no face and no name. We didn’t even need a man to make a baby. We could buy sperm and do it on our own.

We raised our sons and daughters to be equal. We encouraged men to bring out their feminine side. We thought we had it all so why didn’t this make us all happy? What was missing?

Doctor Lynn

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Life Becomes what life does –Early Morning Workout

Get up, get out of bed and get to the gym!’s cold and I’m tired. But I have a class to teach at 7AM on a cold rainy winter’s day. I’d rather stay in bed and sleep.

I get up and go because I am committed to teach. I want to give up the class. It’s too early in the morning for me and I already teach another cycle class at noon on Monday. My body is telling me that I’m getting older and that I cannot push it the way I used to push it. Joints ache and my energy depletes. I’m not twenty-five anymore and I’m not happy about it!

I’m up, dressed and ready to go. It’s not so bad once you get moving. The gym is quiet today. It’s raining and it’s Monday. I’m here so I might as well wake up and get with the program. Only eight people today but they all smile and enthusiastically begin to spin their wheels.

We exchange a few smiles and a few laughs but otherwise it’s a quiet group. I’m quiet too. My energy is mellow and a little hung up in grey just like the day. But by the end of the class I’m feeling good and so glad I got up and taught my class today. My week has a start that is positive. What I did in the last hour is what I have now become. A well paced soul who got out of bed ad started the day with a good workout, a few smiles and a couple of laughs. It may be raining and grey but I am smiling and sunny.

Life does become what life does.

Doctor Lynn

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Life becomes what life does – meeting a challenge

I spent about a month trying to make a YouTube. Now that may seem like a long time but it you have ever tried t make a video of yourself talking you know that it is so easy to make a mistake, forget what you are trying to say and fumble with the technology. It took me several tries to get what I wanted. And even then it is still amateur. But I guess that is what You Tube is supposed to be…an amateur approach to communication.

I must admit it has been fun and is somewhat rewarding to accomplish this task. I have asked around and nobody else I know has done a You Tube. So for someone who has been such a techno- phobe in the past I am not doing too bad.

When you meet a challenge and mount those little hills of success there is always a feeling of pride. Even if no one ever sees my You Tube – I can say I did it. Mastering something changes your perspective on life. Life becomes what we make it become.

Next week I am posting my own talk show along with my You Tube video. I’m signing up for French lessons. I’m staring the New Year with a change in perspective. I am no longer a techno- phobe. I’m getting an I phone and joining the ranks. I’m becoming a quasi-techno player. Do something new and your life becomes enriched. Life becomes what life does. Do it while you can.

Doctor Lynn