And this too will pass

Today I won’t go to the gym. I won’t teach any classes but I will practice yoga. I am about to leave for my two year follow-up MRI from my cancer surgery. This is only a follow-up and part of the process of being placed in remission. However the thought of an MRI is filled with past memories. The MRI was how the cancer was finally detected. It’s a solitary experience as you are pushed into the tube, left alone with only your thoughts and the distant calling out of the operator to take a deep breath and hold. Every time I have had a MRI the operators have told me I am very good at holding still and holding my breath. Yoga is how I do it. I pull myself into a cocoon, silence the world and put my mind into a meditative state. It’s as if time stands still.


Am I a bit anxious? You bet I am! Last time the nurse mistakenly hit an artery and with blood spurting all over the place I passed out cold on the floor. When I woke up a nurse standing over me and ready to call the emergency service. These kinds of memories sure can make one anxious the next time you encounter the same situation.

So my doctor prescribed Ativan. Once in the machine and under the influence of ativan I was relaxed. A couple of times I almost fell asleep. Time drifted by slowly without a lot of thought. I just laid still encapsulated in a nonchalant time machine capturing images of my pelvis and abdominal area. It only took about one hour and then I was released back into the world. I walked out into the sunshine that to me was a haze that looked out upon a slow moving world. But I was moving slow too. It all seemed so real and so passive. Everything was gentle, soft and flowing. I smiled as I noticed how different my perspective had become. A small pill made my world seem placid and muted and I drifted away without any emotions or caring. I just existed in a state of passiveness with no pleasure and no pain. Everything became dull and muted with just the drop of a tiny pill. I am sitting quietly contemplating this state of being and now anxiously waiting a return to the vibrant perspective of a world not clouded with allopathic drugs. I appreciate the coming clarity to my brain. Observing without judgment.

Doctor Lynn

http://www.doctorlynn.com/