Friday, July 30, 2010

Back story post 19 July 30

I did continue to teach yoga and once again yoga had been the one thing that had kept me sane. It had saved me again. My spirit, although wounded continued to hang on. But I must say my teaching did suffer in those early days of our relationship. I would go to class distracted and depressed. My students knew it and some even lent me an ear and a shoulder to lean on. I cried a lot. I was lost. I was so disappointed. This was supposed to be the relationship that lasted the rest of my life. I had told myself I would not get married again until I found the person I could settle down with and grow old. I thought my husband was the one. I made a mistake.

By outward appearances I had everything. We had a beautiful home, nice cars, great vacations, I had clothes, jewelry, opportunities but no stability. We would vacillate between intense fighting and love making. Our passion was extreme. It was exhausting and killing both of us. We tried counseling. That didn’t help. We were desperately trying to hang onto the last threads of our relationship and I was falling into an emotional hole filled with fear, anger and sadness.

Over the second year of our marriage I started to experience health issues. The doctor’s told me it was the beginning of menopause. I was in pain and bled sporadically between periods. And then I began to bleed all the time. I started losing weight and became extremely tired. Tests were done. Nothing was found. I went for an MRI.

The weekend after the MRI was a good one for us. We seemed to break through something. We had stumbled across a book by Terrence Real, The New Rules of Marriage. It had been the first book we had read that really seemed like it had a workable solution to marriage. What it told us was that our problems were not unique. We just needed tools to handle our marriage in a mature way. Everyone and especially people in older second, third or fourth time around marriages suffer from basically the same issues – inability to acknowledge and understand the other persons point of view. This was a working tool for us. We were both so happy believing that we may have found something that would help us make our marriage work.

We came home from dinner. I had a message on my voice mail. It was from My doctor asking me to call him at home that evening. I sat frozen. I knew this was not good. I went into shock. I went to my husband and told him the doctor wanted me to call him immediately. This was not good.

With shaking hands I dialed the number.

Doctor Lynn

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