Friday, July 23, 2010

Back Story Post 14 July 23

I was considering moving back East. Boston or New York seemed the likely places to go. My family was in Maine and either one would be closer and easier for me to visit but still keep me in the cosmopolitan atmosphere that I needed. I also thought I might have better luck finding a nice man in the North East. Los Angles can be so shallow and superficial. The only drawback was the weather. As anyone in Southern California will tell you – it’s the weather that keeps us here. After years of fighting the long cold winters of the Northeast, southern California had been so welcoming. The weather is not a consideration here. We don’t plan our events around the weather like back east. Instead we plan our events around the freeways and traffic. If you can avoid the freeways and commuting, Southern California is a great place to live. But I did find it lonely here. Everyone was from somewhere else and everyone and everything seemed very transient. It was very difficult to make close and endearing friends.

So I joined a dating site and posted my profile in New York and Boston. I immediately met a lot of men. But to my surprise the same BS was prevalent no matter where you went looking. It was the nature of internet dating. Put on a false front in hopes that when you meet the person they will look past the fact that your picture on your post was ten years old, or it wasn’t you at all, or you weighed 20 pounds more than you said or you really were unemployed, still married, had young children or whatever secrets one felt had to be hidden all came out on the internet dating sites.

Art answered my post. He was my age – good, a lawyer-educated – good, divorced for 6 years – not on the rebound- good, had one child in college-no young children- good and he was smart, witty and a nice guy. We exchanged photos and although he was not handsome there was something sincere and trustworthy about him. He lived just outside Greenwich Connecticut. He owned a home, was gainfully employed, a WASP from a good family and very down to earth. We had a lot in common. We spent hours on the phone talking and getting to know each other. Then he announced that he would like to come to LA and meet me. He would get a hotel room and fly in for one night and one day just to meet me.

He flew to LA and I drove to his hotel and we spent a day wandering around LA. I took him to Venice beach and to the Getty museum, we had dinner and he left the next day. We really liked each other. He was very attracted to me. He was everything I was looking for accept the spark was missing. He would make a great friend but the sexual chemical spark was not there. He seemed awkward and a bit nervous around me. However we continued to talk and over the next month got to know each other better.

We then made a plan for him to come to LA and we would go away to Santa Barbara for the weekend. WE had fun but the spark was missing. I asked myself if I could settle for a nice guy who was very low maintenance but without the spark. I debated this over and over. Art was smitten and let me know his intentions were to make this more than casual dating. He was so honest and so easy to talk with. He was like an old friend. I had been in this situation before where the man was smitten and I was not. They were to me good friends but to them they wanted more. I could not go there.

We made another plan. I would come to Connecticut and see if I liked it. We would talk about taking our relationship to the next level. I really liked him. It was so frustrating that the spark was missing. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I fall in love with a nice guy?

I continued to keep my post on the internet and continued to date the occasional guy. My daughter got married and she and her husband- to be, fixed me up with a date for the wedding. Sam was a dentist, alcoholic, cigarette smoker, nice guy but emotionally very immature. 50 and never been married or lived with a woman and he drank very heavily. Not a great prospect. So I moved on.

Back from the wedding I was scheduled to go and visit Art in about two weeks.

I checked my emails and there was one from a guy on wanting to meet me.

Doctor Lynn

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