Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Back story Post 16 July 27

As I flew across the country from LA to New York I could not get this man out of my mind. The chemistry between us was so strong. All I knew about him was that he was a lawyer with a business and going through a divorce. Now experience had taught me that you do not get involved with someone going through a divorce. They are unstable and on the rebound so the relationship is doomed. In fact the rule of thumb in the single world had always been – don’t get involved with anyone until they are at least one year post divorce. This guy was 8 months separated and probably a year away from a divorce – if in fact he actually got one at all.

I had a great weekend with Art. He is such a nice man. Grounded and stable but the chemistry was definitely missing for me. He was far more interested than I was. We had fun as we always did and talked way into the late nights. We saw the movie Unfaithful which made Art and most men cringe and made most women say – it’s about time there was a movie where the husband is the victim. It’s always the man cheating on the wife – women are tempted and cheat too!

Throughout the whole weekend I kept thinking about my internet date. I knew I would call him when I returned even though I knew in my rational mind I should let it go.

So I returned on Monday and called him Tuesday afternoon. We met for lunch on Wednesday. He asked me what I was looking for and I told him the love of my life. Someone I could grow old with in a loving and intense relationship. I wanted to travel and find my love, my best friend and my soul mate. I had been searching for years. It was the driving force in my life. His face lit up with joy. He had the same dream and had failed to find it in his life. He felt he had one more chance to find it so at the age of 62 filed for divorce after 20 years of a cold and loveless marriage to venture out and find the one person he would love and would love him without strife and for ever more.

He was hungry for love and hungry for companionship. He was lonely and sad. But the chemistry between us was addicting and we both knew it. So even though we both knew it was not the right time and there were barriers we possibly could not overcome we continued onward. The ride was less than ideal but the passion and the chemistry kept us connected.

Now I should fill you in on a few details. No not the details of our passion. That would be to kiss and tell and like I said some things are better left unwritten. Let’s just say we had a very strong sexual relationship. However the emotional part was tumultuous. The details – he was 13 years older than me. Now that may not seem like a lot but more than 10 years is a generation. Although he is a very contemporary man as time has gone on the differences in movies, music, outlook, energy, health issues and interest have appeared. This however is the least of the issues. He was going through his third divorce. There would now be two ex-wives with children in the picture and the soon to be next ex-wife and he had a son that was 14! I did not want to get involved with someone with a young child. The first ex-wife and he did not have any children. Six months into the marriage she ran off with an Argentine. The marriage was quickly ended without fanfare. But the second produced two children and the third one child and both ex-wives and all the children lived within a 10 mile radius of West LA. And the big surprise was that he was in business with the wife he was divorcing. The business was very successful and the division of it could be disastrous for everyone. He was being advised to stay in the business. They would bring in a partner to run the business and then each of them would stay involved at a distance. Didn’t happen! They stayed involved! But it was too late because by the time the divorce was final and all the dust settled into what I thought would be our life we were engaged to be married. I was caught up in bliss and wedding plans and did not look closely enough at the underlying issues. Issues never disappear. As soon as the honey moon is over and reality sets in – life looks different. I should not have married this man.

Doctor Lynn



No comments: