Thursday, August 05, 2010

Back story post 22 Aug 5

On the fifth day in the hospital I got up, got dressed and waited for the Doctor to come by and release me. He did not want to let me go because – well its a long story about a catheter that I won’t share with you because some things are too boring to write. Let’s just say I got my way and I went home. I called my husband and was waiting downstairs at the pick up when he arrived. I could not wait to get home. If you have ever stayed in a hospital for an extended amount of time – let’s say even for overnight, you know what I mean.

It was so painful going home. To get in and out of the car and to ride feeling every little bump in the road. But I was going home to 6 weeks of recovery with nothing to do but rest. I could not drive for three weeks so I was housebound. But it did not matter because the pain and exhaustion were over whelming.

It’s strange how some things remain so vivid in your memory. Once home I collapsed on the couch. For the next week all I did was move from the couch to the bathroom. Taking a shower and getting dressed completely exhausted me. I could not go up and down stairs or lift anything. I lay on the couch in a narcotic stupor and stared into space for hours. I realized for the first time in my life what it was like to not be able to move, run, bend and lift. I was housebound and basically bed bound.

One day as I lay in bed feeling depression setting in upon me like a morning fog rolls in over the coast line, I began to think about yoga. I missed teaching it and I missed doing it. I wondered if my body would ever be able to move again. It was then that I realized that I could still practice yoga even if I could not bend or get off the couch. In my mind I began to practice the basics of yoga. Breathe and surrender and find peace and serenity. I visualized the poses in my head and as I took myself through the imaginary practice I felt my body come alive. I would do this again. I would get up and teach again.

I began to take daily walks and each day my gait became a little stronger. Slowly I began to do simple yoga poses. I was determined to go back to teaching both yoga and cycle in 6 weeks. I cried most every day. My hormones were up and down and my body hurt. My mind was foggy and the narcotics had really made my digestive system into a total twisted mess of extreme Irritable bowel syndrome. My stomach was swollen, scarred and protruding while my body was frail and emaciated. I had lost a lot of weight. It would be a long battle back to health but I was determined to make it.

This was the longest 6 weeks of my life. Biopsies came back clean but the year ahead was constant monitoring for any sign that the cancer would reemerge. At six weeks I went back to gym and taught my yoga and cycle classes. I am a good teacher. I’ve been doing it for years and yet that first day back I was petrified. I was so afraid that I could not do it. I was afraid my energy level would not hold up. With trepidation I returned and to my surprise I did quite well.

Doctor Lynn

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