Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Successful Life Stop Looking and compromise

Well I never expected it. In fact I was not looking at all. I was into my life and resigned to working and friends. I was ready after 4 years of online dating to give it up. And then an email came from a man whose profile did not fit my requirements. He was going through a divorce, 13 years older than me and had a 14 year old son. I was looking for someone who had been through all the agony of divorce, had time to get past the rebound, was closer to my age and had no young dependent children. But he had a cute smile and he was persistent about taking me to lunch. We met and the lunch turned into a 4 hour event that 2 years late became my second marriage. It wasn’t easy but I had learned a few lessons along the way.

Heading for fifty I began to soften a bit. I had accomplished plenty. I had plenty of freedom and had done pretty much all the things I wanted to do. I no longer wanted or needed to be strong and assertive. I wanted to be taken care of by a man. I wanted to let my feminine soft side come out of hiding. He needed to be in charge. He wanted to take care of a woman. His ego needed massaging and my being in charge needed a break. It wasn’t easy but we both wanted a relationship with more traditional roles that also had respect for each other. Men and women cannot compete with each other. They think and act differently. It’s all about embracing your sexuality with respect for each other. This wasn’t easy.

I won’t say we didn’t have many tugs of war. It’s not easy when you are both equally educated and experienced in the larger world. It makes for challenging moments. But the battle of the sexes has never been won. No one wins when love gets lost in a shroud of pride and ego. It takes understanding each other and being willing to appreciate, respect and embrace the nuances.

Men like to pound their chest and rescue women. It’s in their nature. Let a man open a jar for you and he’ll puff up with pride. What I learned was that most of the things I ask my husband to do for me…I can already do. I can buy a car, change a tire, fix the leak, pay the bills, argue the case…but why should I? Why should I break my nails, struggle and worry when he is only too willing to be the man? It makes him happy to take care of me and I get more time to be a woman.

So I stopped looking. I stopped searching. I married again and although it has been challenging I finally found the secret of balance. I respect my femininity. I respect his masculinity. At the same time we both take pride in the fact that we are capable souls connecting in the most intimate way as simply a man and a woman. All it takes is a little respect and a little compromise.

Doctor Lynn

No comments: